Here’s an anticipated announcement in sports, though not quite as anticipated and glamorized as the “King’s”, that has the potential to divide a fan base similar to LeBron James’ declaration of migration back in 2010 when he joined the Miami Heat.
So as billions and gazillions of boxing fans insipidly hold their collective breaths and await Manny Pacquiao and Top Rank chief Bob Arum’s announcement on the 8-division world champion’s next opponent, allow me to humor myself through this parody of ESPN writer Jim Gray’s infamous conversation with LbJ known in the sporting world as “The Announcement”. dSource – “Thank you very much. Everybody is on pins and needles across the country, particularly those fighters who are in the running for Manny Pacquiao.”
“Are you ready to go Manny? Where is the powder?”
Pac Man – “Oh, no more powder. Not even lotion. I don’t do that. Praise the Lord.”
dSource – “What’s new? What’s been going on with you this summer?”
Pac Man – “It’s not summer in the Pelepens. Plenty of rain, so I help my countryman in the flood, and you know, I’m a congressman so it’s my job and I give thanks to God for keeping us safe and umm, give food and help the victims and pray and um I’m jas, jas, doing my job.”
dSource – “What have you thought about in this process in selecting your next opponent?”
Pac Man – “Umm, sir you know I’m jas a fighter, it’s my promoter’s job to, to, to pick my opponent. I’m just happy and thanks to the Lord, because without him and the bible, which is the manual of life, I am nothing. So yea, I’m jas doing my job.”
dSource – “How many people know your decision right now?”
Pac Man – “Not many. It’s a very, very small number. And I probably could count them on my fingers. Jas my promoter and some of my Team Pacquiao friends.”
dSource – “One hand or two hands?”
Pac Man – “About ummm, one hundred”
dSource – “One hundred? How many fingers do you have?”
Pac Man – “Well..”
dSource – “Never mind.”
“So when did you decide?”
Pac Man – “Like I said sir, I’m just a fighter, it’s my promoter’s job and…”
dSource – “Yes, you’re just doing your job. I know. That’s the theme song of my YouTube videos.”
Pac Man – “But you know I think I decided this morning. I mean, I decided this morning I went day to day. I wake up one morning, it’s this guy. I wake up another morning, it’s this guy. And it’s a process that I felt it was I may feel like this is the best opportunity for me or not the best opportunity for me.”
But this morning I woke up, had a great conversation with my mom. Once I had that conversation with her, I think I was set.”
dSource – “What did your mom say?”
Pac Man – “She told me to tell Mike Marley to stop calling her cell phone and that she doesn’t like guys that look like a white gorilla.”
dSource – “Oh, okay. That’s cool, so the last time you changed your mind was yesterday?”
Pac Many – “The last time I changed my mind was probably in my dreams. And when I woke up this morning I knew it was the right decision.”
dSource – “Ok I get it. God talked to you in your dream again right?”
Pac Man – “No. I dreamt that I was playing hide and seek with Sponge Bob and he kept messing with me, so I punched his face and then Buboy’s face was attached to Patrick’s body, then the Predator came and then I run away, then the Predator’s face changed to Floyd Mayweather’s daddy. It was crazy!!! You know?!”
dSource – “Oh wow. That’s an elaborate dream. So how did that play a role on your decision?”
Pac Man – “I don’t know.”
dSource – “Ok… So does the boxer that you’re going to fight, that you’ll announce in a few minutes, know your decision?”
Pac Man – “They just found out.”
dSource – “They just found out?”
Pac Man – “No. Just kidding.”
dSource – “So the other guys, on pins and needles, they don’t know; they’ll be listening to this?”
Pac Man – “Right.”
dSource – “Do you have any doubts about your decision?”
Pac Man – “No. I don’t have any doubts at all.”
dSource – “Would you like to sleep on it a little longer, or are you ready to make this decision?”
Pac Man – “No more. I slept inside Congress today before taking to you.”
dSource – “Ok, so I guess it’s time for the people to know. The answer to the question everybody wants to know: Manny, what’s your decision?”
Pac Man – “This fall, this is very tough, in this fall I’m going to take my talents to Las Vegas to fight Bob Arum.”
dSource – “Wow! Bob Arum? Why Bob Arum? That was the conclusion you woke up with this morning?
Pac Man – “Yes. That was the conclusion I woke up with this morning.”
dSource – “Why?”
Pac Man – “Because I always say it’s my promoter’s job to pick my fights, but my promoter has been going a bad job, so I want to hit him with a jab! Nobody wanted to see me fight that ninja turtle Clottey, that cheater Margacheato, that old washed up Shane Mosley and his Jheri curl, and everybody knows I beat Bradley last May. Tell me, when was the last time you saw a winner of a fight in a wheel chair? People want me to fight Floyd, and Arum has been kokblocking it. And plus, Sponge Bob in my dream had a last name, and his last name was Arum.”
dSource – “Wow this is breaking news indeed! You realized what Oscar De la Hoya and Floyd Mayweather did years ago. Wow I am speechless.”
Pac Man – “Alright. I’m out like Juan Manuel Marquez’s crybaby diary. Peace.*deuces*”
