Making New Year?s resolutions is easy.
Breaking them before the 21 day magic period in which any and all bad habits can be broken is easier.
I hereby resolve to offer these 2011 resolutions for some of boxing?s best:
MANNY PACQUIAO: I hereby resolve to keep delivering the ?pork? (no offense, you MILFs and other non-swine eaters in my Sarangani district) to my constituents. The promised hopsital is in the works, I have not forgotten my vow to build a college and I will continue my battle against human trafficking. Oh, yeah, boxing? I resolve to thump Sugar Shane Mosley in an entertaining but roundly criticized beforehand bout on May 7 and then to negotiate my biggest purse ever for a November bout against Mr. Mayweather. I’ve got some tricks up my sleeves for you, L’il Floyd, some big ones.
FLOYD MAYWEATHER JR.: I hereby resolve to stop acting like a donkey in public and in private and to stop making more news on the police blotter than in the ring. I will start acting like the 34 year old I will be come February. I will seize the day, challenge Sergio Martinez, outfox and outbox the Flavor of the Month from Argentina and then cash in big against Pacman…but only if he accepts totally random, no balogna, drug testing. In the ring, I will school the so called Pinoy Idol so much that he will run away from a rematch. I vow to retire BOTH Pacman and his Puppetmaster, Bob Arum.
3. SERGIO MARTINEZ: I hereby resolve to sit back and wait for my handlers to deliver a good opponent not named Sergei or Dmitry as I am not planning to fight next in either Germany or in Russia. If Mayweather won?t man up, then I suppose I can have the third fight with Paul Williams if HBO will swallow that medicine. Next time, I will crush PWill in the opening round. I won?t dawdle like I did in November.
4. JUAN MANUEL MARQUEZ: I resolve to fight Joan Guzman if I can’t find anyone else. Maybe we can have hourly weigh-ins for the Dominicano starting the minute the contract is signed. No doubt it would be a highly entertaining bout as Guzman still has fast hands. I will stop him in the later rounds but the fans would be satisfied. I resolve to burnish my credentials as a TV boxing commentator since even the biting, caustic and acerbic Examiner Ricardo Lois is giving me rave reviews. This from a guy who jeers Santa Claus. I also resolve to forget about Pacman and be realistic about Bob Arum being totally disinterested in a trilogy fight between me and his cash cow. Maybe Golden Boy can give me some VP stripes along the way, ha-ha.
5. NONITO DONAIRE: I resolve not to get carried away with the glamor and glitter and to continue my excellent work ethic. I can look at a n’eer do well like the gifted but lazy Marvin Sonsona and see what happens when you don’t pay your dues on the road in the morning and in the gym in the afternoon. I will dominate Fernando Montiel. Unlike Juan Ma, I am not obsessed with Pacman. I’m happy just to be in his celestial orbit and have him as a pal and a colleague in our rough profession. I also resolve to consider a political and/or legal career for myself down the line in the Bay Area. Who knows, maybe I can be the Fil-Am answer to Obama. I think it would be nice for California, having had a “Governator” born in Austriam to have one who was born in Talibon, Bohol, Philippines. Maybe I will start as mayor Daly City, heh-heh.
(Editor’s note: Don’t you think the ebullient, vivacious Rachel D would be a dazzling First Lady of the Golden State and be sizzling in Sacramento.)
