(Welcome to another edition of The Big Nothing! aka notes from the heavyweight wasteland. This time around, TCS focuses on the status of some of the bigger names in the biggest?but not, at least in one sense of the word, baddest?division.)
Wladimir Klitschko
Dr. Steelhammer has more trouble finding patients than Jack Kevorkian did in the early 1990s. Even for the astronomical purses a fight with Klitschko promises, heavyweights prefer to assume fetal position in public than sign a contract to face him. So Klitschko is scheduled to throttle Derek Chisora in December during the annual Mannheim Lustmord Festival. Justifiably paranoid after the Haye and Povetkin debacles, Klitschko is nervous that his bout with Chisora might not come off due to legal troubles Chisora may find himself in when he goes before a Westminster magistrate for sentencing on theft and assault charges. Klitschko is reportedly negotiating with substitute fighters in case Chisora winds up in Brixton or Maidstone instead of the SAP-Arena.
Vitali Klitschko
After his ?Silence of the Lambs? routine against Shannon Briggs last month, Vitali Klitschko, closing in on 40, will soon resume his search for new prey. He has few options from which to choose. Tubby Odlanier Solis and heavyweight misterio Ray Austin will meet in a face-off to determine the Number One Pretender of the WNBA. If the two battle to something other than a draw or a double-disqualification, then the winner will likely fight Klitschko in 2011. We should all look forward to that one with relish. In the meantime, perhaps hard-working Tomasz Adamek might pop up somewhere, or Nikolay Valuev, who continues to deprive the world of seeing what a 7? fighter looks like when he is dropped flat on his face.
David Haye
The boorish Haye, who seems oblivious to his growing reputation as a poltroon, faces Audley Harrison in December at the MEN Arena in a fight already marked by the crassness of both contestants. Despite his lack of heavyweight accomplishments, Haye remains an intriguing figure to many because of his personality, good looks, and an explosive style at odds with lumbering heavyweights who resemble trees uprooted from the petrified forest and dropped center ring. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that Haye will face a Klitschko in the future, despite the fact that there are two of them. In the meantime, Haye is almost guaranteed to keep jawing, unless, of course, someone knocks his mouthpiece down his throat.
Audley Harrison
After nearly a decade of floundering in the pro ranks, Audley Harrison, the gold medalist at the 2000 Olympics, proved meritocracy is as foreign to boxing as skinny dipping is to the Antarctic. All it took for Harrison to earn his title shot was to win a circus-like one-night tournament (a concept even cruder Americans eschew?see ?Thunderbox?) and avenge a defeat against a fighter, Michael Sprott, who has been knocked out eight times in his career. Harrison has lost to every good opponent he has faced and a couple who were not so good. On the other hand, Harrison has come a long way since serving a stretch in prison and emerging from some of the meaner West London streets. In fact, Harrison has proven his tenacity?as he did when turning his life around?by remaining in a sport that long ago must have struck him as foreboding as the gloomy streets from which he came. Perhaps that kind of man, that kind of fighter, can never be discounted.
Tomasz Adamek
Tomasz Adamek, who survived some shaky moments against faded Michael Grant last month, will take on Vinny Maddalone, bruising statuary out of Queens, New York, on December 11. This is a stay busy fight for Adamek, who will probably start thinking seriously about the Klitschkos in a few months. ?I?m expecting to fight one of the Klitschkos in the beginning of next year,? Adamek told The Ring recently, ?and I?d love to fight one of them in Madison Square Garden in March.? Maddalone is painfully limited, but will try as hard as anyone to draw first blood, even if it means he gets knocked kicking in the process.
Derek Chisora
Come December, Derek Chisora will be walking the gangplank against Wladimir Klitschko in a fight all mismatches might be compared to in the future. Although Chisora, 14-0, is certainly an unworthy foe, there are only a few options available for Klitschko and two of them?David Haye and Alexander Povetkin?appear more interested honing their own versions of escapology. Both, apparently, are big admirers of Harry Houdini and Papillion. To his credit, Chisora took the fight and will suffer the consequences. And there will be some ugly ones, consequences, that is, since this bout has all the makings of a grim mismatch. After all, Klitschko has three and a half times as many knockouts as Chisora has fights. In addition, Chisora has never been past nine rounds, and his only name opponent, Danny Williams, was only a shadow of his former middling self when Chisora dropped the hammer on him a few months ago. For ?Del Boy,? fighting Klitschko is a risk worth taking, since he will still have his British and Commonwealth titles to call his own after the fight. Whether he can say the same about his marbles is something else altogether.
Alexander Povetkin
Povetkin is the latest laboratory experiment for Teddy Atlas, who more and more resembles the mad scientist Thorkel in Doctor Cyclops. Atlas has had no success whatsoever as a trainer since splitting with Michael Moorer in the mid-1990s. Shannon Briggs, Elvir Muriqui, Michael Grant, and Kirk Johnson are some of the bigger names Atlas has worked with since then with middling results. Johnson, Briggs, and Muriqi all got title shots and made big paydays without Atlas, yet Povetkin has agreed to have his career overhauled by a man whom Kirk Johnson was driven to come to blows with. Johnson also bit Atlas on the face. No one ever did that to Cus D?Amato. After passing up a payday of at least $2.1 million to face Wladimir Klitschko?and losing his IBF rating in the process?Povetkin participated in a shady smoker bout with shot and suspended Bruce Seldon in Philadelphia and knocked out undistinguished Teke Oruh last week in Chekhov, Russia. He might have gotten more action from the ghost of Vera Komissarzhevskaya. Oruh had not fought in nearly two years, or since he was dominated by ham n?egger Manuel Quezada in 2008. The rumor mill says Povetkin is next scheduled to tryout for an episode of Siberian Gladiators.
Denis Boytsov
Boystov, who has not fought since January due to recurring hand troubles, declined to participate in a planned IBF elimination tournament that is so skeletal at the moment even Glen Johnson might be a welcome addition. The 24 year-old Boystov is scheduled to return to the ring in mid-November against the dreaded TBA. Perhaps after a few more tune-up bouts, Boystov will be ready to face better opposition. He certainly talks like a man who wants to make some sort of move. In a recent interview with boxingscene.com, Boystov was not in the mood to flatter Vitali Klitschko. ?What he does is not boxing,? Boystov reportedly said. ?He just goes into the ring in good physical shape and uses great distance.? Right now, Boystov is an unknown quantity in a division people know too much about.
Chris Arreola
Arreola looked unimpressive and, of course, bloated, in scoring a unanimous decision over commonplace Manuel Quezada in October. His next fight, at least, will take place where he belongs: on ESPN2 against Minnesota circuit fighter Joey Abell. ?The Iceman,? as Abell calls himself, has actually lost?via TKO, no less?to human punching bag Andrew Greeley. He also dropped a decision to hapless Al Cole, who was 44 at the time, and, after over 30 fights, has only one distinction worth noting: He is ?advised? by the near-mythical Don Elbaum. For this kind of opposition, Arreola will no doubt enter the ring in the best shape of his career.
Ruslan Chagaev
Chagaev, hampered over the years by injuries, returned from his mauling at the hands of Wladimir Klitschko in 2009 by scoring a decision over Kali Meehan, who moves inside the ring with all the grace of The Golem. This bout was some sort of WNBA elimination bout, which means Chagaev is in line to face the winner of the David Haye-Audley Harrison sideshow. Chagaev has a tuneup bout scheduled for November 19 in Hamburg, Germany, against an opponent yet to be determined. Welcome to the heavyweight division.
