(Award-winning Lyle Fitzstuporous took time away from his life-sized rococo mirror to share his thoughts on Hopkins-Jones II in this special post for The Cruelest Sport.)
I know what you?re thinking and you?re wrong.
Naysayers, experts, blowhards, and random bloggers, look out: this is me we?re talking about.
In case you don?t know, I?m smarter than all of you.
I?m not like all the would-be geniuses out there with internet access.
I?m omniscient.
I endorse a fifth sanctioning body, the IBO.
I was also the ?assistant editor? of Tigerboxing.com.
?Nuff said.
You?re going to read a lot about how bad Hopkins-Jones II was.
Basement dwellers all over the world will use words like ?flop,? ?debacle,? ?pathetic,? and ?putrid.?
But I won?t.
I know what I?m talking about.
And I?ve got news for you, folks: Hopkins-Jones II was stirring stuff.
Manny Pacquiao doesn?t excite me, but last night sure did.
Unlike everyone else, I?m not the excitable type.
In fact, the last time Manny Pacquiao fought, when he drew 50,000 fans to Dallas Cowboys Stadium, I made sure not to write a word about it before or after.
He?s just not that good.
Instead, I spent all that Pac-time with Chevelle Hallback, who is working on becoming the first female fighter to be featured on HBO.
I even sparred with her for a few rounds.
That makes me a participatory journalist, like?well, I can?t name any participatory journalists, but you know what I mean.
But back to Hopkins-Jones II.
Forget ?The Rivals.? This was more like ?Clash of the Titans? in Las Vegas.
It was redemption. It was revenge. It was ?Eye of the Tiger? in 2010.
It was much-anticipated and long-awaited.
Legend vs. legend. Mano a mano. Toe-to-toe. Back-to-back and belly-to-belly.
Sure, some little people out there might disagree. But they?re stupid.
And all those people who were booing in Las Vegas don?t count because almost none of them actually paid to get in.
But, needless to say, I?m right.
I?ve heard it all before. They?re old. Jones is washed-up. But I knew better.
It?s like I said last summer after Jones? masterful/virtuoso performance against Jeff Lacy in a performance of the ages: ?What?s indisputable is that he?s convincingly returned to relevance. And, to me anyway, that?s a comeback for the ages. Yes, ages.?
Because I might put a check next to Lacy?s name when he?s eligible for Canastota.
Last summer I revealed the madness of my methods regarding Hall of Fame ballots.
The criteria is simple: Any fighter I?ve seen on television has a good chance of earning my check mark.
And it?s a good check mark, too. In fact, just the other day I had it tattooed on my calf.
But some of you basement dwellers don?t know anything about Hall of Fame credentials or my check mark.
I do.
The IBHOF and BWAA were nice enough to hand out a brief synopsis of the nominees, which was great because I hadn?t heard of 90% of them.
So, that gives me the leg up on all of you out there.
Anyway, Jones whipped Lacy and I, I, I, me, me, me, myself, myself, myself?.sorry, that happens once in a while.
But can you blame me?
As I was saying, I predicted Jones would don his Superman cape and beat Lacy. The General Consensus misunderestimated him.
I didn?t. I think he beat Lacy worse than Joe Calzaghe did.
After all, Jones stopped Lacy and Calzaghe couldn?t.
Ipso fatso:?Jones is better than Calzaghe.
I also picked Jones to beat Hopkins.
And I?m sure he would?ve, but Bernard turned back the clock last night. He turned the clock back farther than Jones has, in fact.
I know, because I?m a keen observer of those who turn back clocks.
My picking Jones to win was based on only one of the fighters turning back the clock. Who knew they would both wind up doing it?
I may be omniscient, but I?m not God.
Jones gave 110%. He put his nose to the millstone and carried on.
It went down to the wire.
He even floored Hopkins, but because it was Easter weekend, Tony Weeks called it a rabbit punch.
I thought it was legit.
Make no mistake about it, I believe a rubber match is mandatory.
You might think a third fight between Superman and The Hobgoblin is a waste of time, but I don?t. And I?m right, of course.
Trust me, the smart money is not as smart as I am.
Let?s see these Greek myth Gods, like Mars and Shiva (They?re also planets; I bet you didn?t know that.) throw punches in bunches again.
Then the score will really be settled.
Because, to me, the book is still open. Like I wrote a while back: ?Bernard?s own last few years have been only marginally better than Jones? ? featuring a 4-3 record to Roy?s 5-5, a far less-watchable loss to Calzaghe and a win over Kelly Pavlik that Jones could probably have matched had he gotten to the robotic Ohioan first.?
Even though Roy has been knocked out three times in the stretch I mentioned, Bernard is only slightly ahead of Roy post-40.
If you ask me ? -and according to myself, everyone does ? -their Golden Years Legacy is still up in the air.
I want both of them to get ready to rumble once more.
When they do, I?ll be there with deely-boppers on.
***** Real quotes: BoxingScene.com
