Only days after Manny Pacquiao’s successful defense of his welterweight belt against Joshua Clottey, the Pacquiao team announced Tuesday that his next fight will pit Pacquiao against Mother Nature’s No. 1 contender, an Alaskan grizzly bear.
“We feel that the human race can no longer provide a top contender that can really challenge [Pacquiao’s] skill in the ring,” trainer Freddie Roach said. “It only seemed logical that we’d look to North America’s second largest land carnivore to provide a decent challenge for Manny and a fight that people would really like to see.”
Hailing from Kodiak Archipelago of Alaska, Kodiak bear Snuggles has been slated for the fight.
“Snuggles has been waiting for this moment for most of his adult life,” Snuggles’ zoo trainer Jeff Ralski said. “We’ve been observing him in the wild for years now, and his predatory instincts and skill have matured to their peak just in time.”
After the recent welterweight match with Clottey, which restricts boxers to a range of 140 to 147 pounds, the main concern in the Pacquiao camp is weight. With a height of 9 ft. 8 in. when standing on his hind legs, and weighing in at 1,364 pounds, Snuggles will be the largest boxer Pacquiao has faced in his career.
“Oh you know, protein shakes, a loaded diet, we’ll get him up there,” Roach said. “We’re certain [Pacquiao’s] the better technical fighter, so we’re confident.”
Snuggles’ attributes are equally impressive, recently clocking a 29 mph sprint to a dead elk carcass
Blood testing, a controversy which prevented the recent Pacquiao – Floyd Mayweather fight, has been preliminarily disregarded by both camps.
“Snuggles is all natural, the best Mother Nature can offer. A true killing, I mean, boxing machine,” Ralski said. “No blood tests necessary.”
If Pacquiao is successful, it will be his eighth world title in eight different weight divisions. It will also be the first title won in the new World Boxing Organization “behemothweight” division created especially for this fight.
“It’s certainly exciting for everyone involved,” Ralski said. “Snuggles did this sort of growl thing when he found out the news that he got the fight, and just yesterday he absolutely mauled one of our trainers in a sparring match. Yeah, he’s ready to go now.”
Snuggles will certainly have to wait for his chance. A date has not been set, however both sides have been hinting at a possible September fight in Las Vegas, following the conclusion of salmon season on Kodiak Island.
“Manatee Fair” is a weekly column that reports satirical news.
