NEW YORK, NY- Ring Talk is first and foremost a place to discuss boxing, the boxing community, and the culture surrounding it, and rarely will you see any of us, especially me, engage in any self-absorbed defenses. But recently a piece came to my attention that merits at least a little bit of navel-gazing, so bear with me for a few hundred words. An individual named Colin Seymour, who purports to be a boxing journalist famous for his “theater and classical music reviews,” is upset at me and has called for Manny Pacquiao (51-3-2, 38 KOs) to physically assault me. I don’t have the heart to tell him he’s irrelevant, so let’s take a stroll through Seymour’s column, shall we?
POLITICAL SCIENCE (FICTION)
He starts his piece with a sloppy mess of convoluted political metaphors where he concludes that my sneaking suspicion that maybe not all is right at Team Wapakman is an obvious sign of anti-semetism, Tea Party membership, and some sort of strange Ann Coulter mimicry. This misinformation is best tackled piecemeal: unless Seymour knows something we don’t, Manny Pacquiao is not Jewish. I am not, in fact, affiliated with any Tea Party organization, nor would it be proper of me given my day job. And if I’m like any major right-wing political figure, I’m obviously Glenn Beck– the uncanny ability to infuriate, the Ivy League education (Beckster was sentenced to do some time in Yale), the endearing extra ten pounds… but I digress. To say Mr. Seymour’s understanding of politics is extremely limited is being way too generous.
GIVING MOVIE STAR WAPAKMAN THE SPECIAL TREATMENT
Of course, the article isn’t meant to be about politics, and it doesn’t take long for Seymour to get into the meat of his argument, that it is outrageous that I “can say without equivocation that Manny is a cheating criminal.” Yes, of course it is! Which is why I didn’t say that. I said that Pacquiao was bad for boxing because his popularity is centered around things that have nothing to do with his skill: “Pacquiao is a hero because he makes movies and sings songs and has a colorfully scandalous love life—his work in the ring, while brilliant on paper, is under serious suspicion that Pacquiao and his trainer, Freddie Roach, refuse to acknowledge.” Nothing in that sentence confirms that he is a “criminal;” it merely states that someone whose primary passion is not boxing is a bad role model for potential champions who view the lack of discipline as proper multitasking. It’s not. It’s athletic negligence and fighters like Chris Arreola (28-1, 25 KOs) and even Ocean’s 11-era Lennox Lewis (41-2-1, 32 KOs) were skewered in the media for it. Why give Pacquiao a pass when the press gave people like Lewis such a hard time?
PROVE PACQUIAO HAD SOMETHING TO LOSE FIGHTING CLOTTEY
The strangest thing about this person’s rage is that it seems to be directed at the fact that I saw Pacquiao’s fight with Clottey as a win-win for the pound-for-pound champ. To which my only response is: prove that I’m wrong. Argue that, somehow, Pacquiao could have left this fight with a reputation tarnished and a loss of any, even one, fan, even if he lost. The only thing Pacquiao could have done to leave the ring on Saturday night losing is if he taped an anvil to either glove, punched Clottey in the groin with them, and did a coke line off of Clottey’s unconscious body. Pacquiao’s popularity in circles where he is respected is so high that the man can do no wrong. Or else he wouldn’t be fighting a giant crab in a d-list movie. You underestimate the power of Pacquiao’s deification among fans when you claim that a fight against someone like Clottey is not a win-win.
AND DON’T FORGET TO BUY HIS BOOK!
And of course this masterful wordsmith ends his piece with a brutal take-down of epic proportions: “Lying liar.” I’d call him the liar, but I’m not five years old, and I think at this point his is a pathological issue more than just a moral one. But all this conjecture is meaningless because, in my attempt to make sense out of the senseless, I seem to have missed the true intention of this article, sneakily written into the second sentence: “My own novel is about a liberal sportscaster who runs afoul of the right wing’s predominance in the world of sports. So you won’t be surprised,” he continues, that he chooses to attack a sports journalist he arbitrarily labeled right-wing to fulfill his fantasy of being a Keith Olbermann-esque liberal superhero. And while he’s at it, he might as well shill his new crappy Harlequin smut novel. If you like stream of consciousness leftist tirades and Jewish-Filipino alliance conspiracy theories, you’ll love Countdown to Overtime and the War for the Soul of Boxing 2: the Squeakquel, by Colin Seymour! I hate to give in to his real motives, but fine: you win, Seymour. Send me a free copy and I’ll gladly review it– even give you literary advice! Everyone needs a mentor, and I’d be glad to be yours.
