It should be a worldwide scandal but it?s not. Maybe I will have to blow the lid off this deep, dark secret about life in the Philippines.
Male babies who are righthanded are drowned shortly after birth. It?s into the raging waters you go and the tiny tots just never have a chance. They used to do this horrible thing in China only with baby girls.
Think about it.
Gabriel ?Flash? Elorde, Jr., lefthanded.
Rolando Navarette, southpaw.
Dodie Boy Penalosa. Gerry Penalosa. Honolulu-based braincracker Andy Gangigan, who creamed world champ Irish Sean O’Grady…this trio all portsiders.
Nonito Donaire, righthanded but probably wishes he was a southpaw in a northpaw world. He hits like a lefty anyway. He certainly knows how to cripple a southpaw. Ask V. Darchinyan, as Donaire took the “mean” out Armenian in whacking out the Australia based lefthander.
And Ultimate Icon and world Pound For Pound King Manny Pacquiao, also a southpaw.
I may not be the sharpest trend spotter this side of Professor Bumblebore, Dumbledore or whatever his name is (btw, where did this cretin become a professor, Truck Driving School?), but I want to know why RPI has so many portside pugilists.
Actually, it?s not limited you?re the land of the Pinoys. I make this unscientific observation that there are more southpaws among active boxers worldwide now than ever before.
What has happened, especially in the US which has a dwindling supply of boxers, is that lefthanders no longer get automatically converted to right-handers the way they did years ago.
One such example of a lefty who was made to switch over was ex-heavyweight contender Irish Gerry Cooney.
Some lampoon Cooney?s career and, while much of his potential was lost in a sea of booze and a blizzard of white powder, it is historical fact that he gave a great account of himself when he fought the dominant for eight years champion, Larry Holmes.
I say all this to get back to Packy and to inform you who the real long term possible usurpers of his mythical Pound for Pound crown really are.
I?ve left oldtimers such as Bernard Hopkins, Sugar Shane Mosley and even Juan Manuel Marquez off the list. They are highly rated by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP).
Three of the five punch from the southpaw position, jabbing with the right and paralyzing with the left.
Please note that none of them are named Mayweather.
I?m not saying Mayweather cannot possibly beat Pacquiao when they fight, which they will next year. What I am saying is that, even if he beats Pacman once, a Young Lion among those listed herein will take the P4P throne.
If I have erred in any way in composing this list, ‘m sorry. But remember this is a mythical titles so I should be allowed some mythtakes.
Let’s face it, Mayweather’s halcyon days are in the rear view mirror. Maybe he has one Last Hurrah left, we shall see.
FIGHTERS WHO MAY DETHRONE MANNY PACQUIAO AS THE P4P KING OF THE RING
1. MIKKEL KESSLER: Age 30. In midst of thorny legal dispute with his manager and his promoter, the Dashing Dane will go through other talented super middleweights like a hot knife through butter. Fought Joe Calzaghe with a virtually broken right hand and fought bravely. Lucien Bute, Carl Froch, Artie Abraham, Kelly Pavlik?none of these cats can beat a motivated Kessler and they know it. Hell, even old lion who if often lying Bernard Hopkins wants no parts of the Viking Warrior. Kessler is, at 29, even younger than Pacman. Finally, I ask you this when superb Joe Calzaghe fought easily beat BHop and Roy Jones, was there ever a point where you felt that they might shock Joe? Of course not but Kessler had such moments in his decision loss to Joe C. Wales. Kessler?s real tests would only come against Paul Williams and/or Bad Chad Dawson (more on those two below).
2. JUAN MANUEL LOPEZ: Only 26, the heir apparent to slightly faded Miguel Cotto as Puerto Rico?s next ring hero and idol. Another lethal lefty, Lopez could run the table over the next few years although his stock of opponents is now awe inspiring. Bob Arum wants to make mouth watering bout between Boricua Juan Ma and spectacular Cuban Yuriorkis Gamboa. That could turn into WWIII without having those nuts jobs in North Korea set it off. Juan Ma fights with Pacman style constant aggression which fans love and he has more of a Tito Trinidad ethos than does the mild-mannered Cotto. It wasn?t much fun watching Juan Ma beat Gerry Penalosa like a recalcitrant mule but this kid knows how to TCB.
3. PAUL THE PUNISHER WILLIAMS: Turns ripe, old 28 come July 27. He won?t take the P4P throne by force of personality as PW comes across as a laidback Southern gentleman and not a Dirty South thug type. Supremely confident but not offensively arrogant, Williams must take anti-Mayweather pills. There?s a reason you never hear his name come out of the mouth of ?I Need A Big Fight? Shane Mosley or the lachrymose Hopkins. That reason is a four-letter word, f-e-a-r. PW would force the depleted Hopsack into permanent retirement and his athleticism would enable him to outbox and outslug the still redoubtable Shanester. Williams is the bright, shining light of American boxing even though charisma is something he does not possess. Maybe he will grow on the boxing public through stellar performances like his bell to bell whipping of crotchety Winky Wright and his true humble pie attitude. Need I belabor the obvious, that not only is Williams lefthanded but he switches up to whipsaw foes from two different stances. Could be best conditioned fighter on the planet. Frightening thought, putting the avenged Carlos Quintana loss aside, is that PW may never taste defeat again.
4. NONITO DONAIRE: Bohol Bomber turns 27 in November. I can hear the moans, the groans of the peanut gallery (headed by Bernie Vee, that permanent malcontent). ?There goes Marley again, the White Gorilla is pandering to the Pinoys as usual. What a suckup!? That may be true, at certain times like day and night, but not now. Donaire deserves a mention here if only for the sizzling KO of Vic Darchinyan. Big Gary Shaw wants a Donaire rematch as badly as Paris Hilton needs an active sex life meaning she?s got it and he doesn?t want one. Shaw would rather gargle with strychnine that risk Darchi against the Filipino Flash once more. Shaw likes to protect his property you see. Donaire needs some TLC from Top Rank and some tougher opponents. But, keep in mind, that he and Lopez are the youngest of this quintet so time is on their side.
5. BAD CHAD DAWSON: Another July birthday boy, turning 27 on the 13th. Maybe I?m the sloppy sentimentalist around here. But I dig the fact that Dawson (Southpaw #4 on this list) is trained by Throwback Champion Eddie Mustafa Muhammad. First known as Eddie ?The Flame? Gregory because his manager, jack Singer, owned a Times Square steakhouse of the same name, this Brooklyn guy came up in the projects with baseball?s Willie Randolph and basketball stylist World B. Free. Except for Eddie not being a lefty, his style and Dawson?s are much alike. It’s pretty cool having a former light heavyweight ruler tutoring a present day one. Just wonder if Dawson will ever get the right sort of foes who he can really shine against. And sorry, you Shaw haytas, but BCD is handled by Buffet Gary. As far as Dawson’s thin chin goes, he gets up of the floor as mad as a hornet and this defect just makes him more fun to watch.
So there you have it, five shining stars who really are boxing?s future. Pacquiao will fight none of the above but one or more of them will someday sit on the P4P throne currently claimed by Emmanuel Dapidran Pacquiao.
I always wondered, what is a Dapidran anyway?
Maybe Professor Stumblefloors can enlighten us.
When he sobers up, of course.
Don’t say anything but that looks lumpia in his unkempt beard, does it not?
DSafe to say anyone who looks like this besotted bum cannot possibly be any kind of Everlast Einstein such as myself. I earned my Ph.d in pugilism, I will have you know, at two fine institutions.
Yale and Columbia, in point of fact.
Yale Locksmith School and the Columbia School of Broadcasting, I concede.
As always, we must add that my Columbia is not affiliated with Columbia University or Colombo Yogurt.
Now the yogurt industry.
That’s where you will find some real culture.
HAPPY JULY FOURTH TO ALL WHO LOVE FREEDOM. GOD BLESS AMERICA! BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT TO MY FORMERLY YOUNGER BRO, JOSEPH PATRICK ALIAS JOE SHEA SHADYAC, A REAL LIVE YANKEE DOODLE DANDY SO MUCH SO HE WAS BORN ON JULY 4 IN OUR NATION’S CAPITAL, WASHINGTON, DC. Which brings up the pertinent question, why is he an Orioles fan and not a Senators (now Nationals) follower? Go figure, as he is so unpatriotic as to swear allegiance to the Chiefs and the Raiders instead of the proper Redskins and Patriots. Maybe Professor Mumblemore can answer me that.
Better he mops his beard with OxiClean (shout out to my late idol, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR MICHAEL MARLEY).
