As I gain a sliver of knowledge and insight into Filipino life and culture prior to my upcoming first visit there, I was wondering about the popular GMA ?soap opera? style program, ?Totoy Bato.?
When it comes to this country?s history and culture, I am in Pinoy 101, the beginner class but I am always willing to learn.
I am thinking this is much better, much more real than the minstrel show that HBO?s preflight 24/7 programs have turned into with too much Mayweather family drama overwhelming all else.
But back to ?Totoy Bato.?
Would ?Totoy Bato? dig hooks and uppercuts into the tenderized, baby back ribs of Fraud Ribfaker and knock him out as quickly as Megamanny pulverized Ricky Hatton? I hear Totoy loves digging into ribs like a hungry carnivore.
In fact, Totoy?s fighting motto is, ?Where?s The Beef.?
Then, as usual, my mind started wandering the way I will wander across Palawan.
If this was real life and not reel life, how would we recast the cast?
First, though, a brief synopsis of the popular program purloined from reliable Wikipedia:
Anna Molina (Regine Velasquez) dreams to be a popular and successful singer someday. Her friend Arturo “Totoy Bato” Magtanggol (Robin Padilla), on the other hand, only dreams of being with his father. After his mother died, Totoy’s wish comes true when his father comes home after serving his sentence, Podong (Ronnie Lazaro) turns out to be an abusive and cruel dad. Totoy’s only comfort is Anna, his best friend and true love, who promised never to leave his side, breaks her promise when her materialistic mother Matilda (Deborah Sun) decides to live in Manila, she leaves Totoy with a promise that she will come back for him. Years pass, Anna is now a famous singer in the country, and the quiet life of Totoy will be disturbed when a land grabber appears and kills his loving wife Elena (Ara Mina). Madness and revenge engulfs Totoy and he promises to fight the manipulative haciendero no matter what. Totoy decides to start a new life in Manila ? where faces more fights, this time in the boxing arena where he will be known as Totoy Bato.[2]
(Some people call lifting from Wiki stealing, I call it research.)
NEW CAST FOR TOTOY BATO:
Anna Molina is now played by Katrina Halili. Scratch her, I have just replaced her with Jinkee Pacquiao.
Arturo Magtanggol is now played by Bobby Pacquiao so he can hang up the gloves.
Podong is now played by Murad Muhammad.
Matilda is now played by Floyd Mayweather Sr. (he?s a great actor).
Elena is played by Ara Mina who is irreplaceable, let?s face it.
Totoy?s trainer remains played by Pambasang Kamao, Manny Pacquiao, as I do not want to be tarred and feathered in the streets of Manila.
Bob Arum will play Totoy?s kindly but forgetful grandfather who owns a sugar plantation in Bacolod.
Hermie Rivera will play a crooked boxing writer who takes bribes the Way Ricky Hatton fell, often and hard.
Michael Koncz will play a Canadian expat trying to make sense of his life as he tries to ice skate along the Cebu waterfront.
Michael Moorer plays gym security honcho who wants to chin check Michael Koncz.
Frankin ?Jeng? Gacal plays the honest lawyer in a sea of lethal sharks.
Coach Freddie Roach plays the vodka swilling US Ambassador.
Dr. Hayden Kho plays just his racy videos.
Bong Revilla plays a Totoy KO victim from Hong Kong who is known as Bing Bang Bong So Long Wong.
Shelly Finkel plays Gary Shaw playing Shelly Finkel.
Miguel Diaz plays frustrated Argentinian opera singer destined only to be Totoy?s cutman and handwrapper.
Journalist Recah Trinidad plays crusty boss of Games and Amusements Board, the Pinoy boxing authority.
Roger Mayweather plays GMA TV weatherman who doesn?t know which way the wind is blowing.
(Second role) Floyd Mayweather Sr. plays American expat who opens up ?rib shack? in Bohol, food critics say his ?special sauce? is pure poetry.
Winchell Campos plays gossipy Walter Winchell who owns Winchell?s Donuts near Wild Carp Gym in Batoyville.
Geoff Eingenmann plays Jim Dandy, prelim fighter who boxes in his underwear and has only brief bouts.
Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, appearing as ?GMA on GMA,? plays role of wily woman who dethrones WBC President for Life Don Jose Sillyman (names are changed to protect the extremely innocent).
Mang Resty will play Nervous Norvous, novice boxing website owner who plugs his site on Examiner.com 7,500 times each day.
Michael ?White Gorilla? Marley will be played (for laughs) by special guest star Brad Pitt only because Humphrey Bogart is unavailable.
