President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has declared a nationwide State of Panic (SOP) as government offices shut down today.
?We have no choice but to declare a nationwide SOP in view of the present fiscal situation, or lack thereof,? the president said.
In her speech at the Malaca?ang Palace this morning, the president revealed that the country?s fiscal reserves currently stand at P0.05 centavos. ?We have no more money, period,? she said.
The president refused to answer any more questions after that.
Economic analysts are scrambling to explain how the country could have lost all its money in such a short time.
?We?re working on it, we?re working on it!? said University of the Philippines Economics professor Cyrus Gahol when pressed for a quote.
But according to a Malaca?ang insider who spoke on condition of anonymity, the reason for the government shutdown is: Manny Pacquiao.
?One of our Congressmen used the entire national budget to bet on Pacman,? said our source, referring to the March 20 fight in which Pacquiao lost by unanimous decision to Mexican boxer Erik Morales. ?He was confident that Pacquiao would win, but then again, weren?t we all? We were llamado?the odds were in our favor, seven-to-five?so Congressman X bet our national budget on Pacquiao.?
?If Pacquiao had won, then Congressman X would have been a hero,? continued our source. ?Just imagine?we could have paid off all our foreign debts in one blow!
The national SOP applies indefinitely until further notice.
?Just think of it as a very long nonworking holiday,? said presidential spokesperson Ignacio Bunye.
