Ten Things That Oscar De La Hoya Won?t Be Announcing on Today?s Media Conference Call:
1. It wasn?t me who suggested to Bill Clinton that he get Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary back to their hotel in Denver late at night.
2. I have decided to give up boxing to try pro wrestling. I will, in the Mexican tradition, wear a mask but add lots of mascara. I will be known as Mil Mascaras.
3. Bob Arum is, after all, a pretty smart Jew from Harvard.
4. Freddie Roach, miserable backstabber and ingrate, was wrong in saying I can?t pull the trigger in the ring any more. I can?t even find the damned trigger as evidenced by rounds 5-12 in my Businessman?s Waltz with Mayweather not to mention the slapfest with tiny tot Stevie Forbes.
5. I am proud to announce that my trainer, Floyd Mayweather Sr., wrote a poetic portion of Obama?s convention keynote speech for tonight.
6. The New York press conference for my Dec. 6 bout with Manny will not be held at the Scores strip joint on the far West Side.
7. That I compare Pacquiao to some of the great midgets of the ring?Fuzzy Cupid, Little Beaver and Sky Low Low.
8. That we at GBP have just sold a pilot to HBO entitled ?Mayweather Madness,? which we pitched as a combination of A&E?s ?48 Hours? and ?Wild Kingdom.?
9. That John McCain, Joe Biden and Michael Marley will co-star in our first GBP movie entitled ?Angry, Old White Men.?
10. That, in tribute to old writing codger Michael Katz, I am finally accepting the nickname ?Chicken? De La Hoya and that I will enter the ring on Dec. 6 dressed in a fowl costume. I am not doing this just because GBP just entered into a $20 million endorsement deal with Tyson Foods, those big chickens.
