The fight is inevitable given their massive popularity. There’s only one Ricky Hatton and one Manny Pacquiao. Their respective legion of fans are incredible.
Maybe Pacman-Rickman does not happen in 2008. It could happen in the first quarter of 2009. But it will happen because the TV suits in the US, the UK and the Philippines will want it to happen.
Herewith, long in advance, my Top 12 Reasons Why Hatton Cannot Win:
Pacman lawyer Jeng Gacal, the always crafty ?Jackal,? is already making plans to introduce Hatton to Britney Spears and her younger sister. Hatton will be training in a tavern while Freddie Roach trains Megamanny at the Wild Card. He?s not known for his footwork, but compared to the clumsy oaf Hatton, Pacquiao will look like the winner of this year?s ?Strictly Come Dancing? program in the UK. Megamanny will know that, if he can get past Hatton, a jackpot awaits with Juan ?Baby Bull? Diaz also at 140 pounds. The Pacman camp will insist on a complete blood alcohol test being given to Hatton at the official weigh-in. If Ricky?s BAC is not enough to qualify him as a drunken driver, then the fight is off. Highest paid person in the Hatton entourage will be the bartender. The Pacquaio camp will insists that excessive smears of Bailey?s Irish Cream or be wiped off Hatton?s face at the start of each round. Hatton will be mentally distracted because of his new organization, Alcoholics Who Are Never Anonymous and its auxiliary group, Mothers For Drunk Driving. Hatton?s lawyer will insert special clause in bout contract: after every three rounds, Hatton must be allowed to have a mai tai (with paper umbrella and cherry) during one-minute rest period. Hatton will announce to the world he is only a ?light drinker,? saying that ?when I see daylight, I start drinking.? Bonus Round: Fight is dead even through 10 rounds. As Ricky goes back to corner, leather-lunged Pinoy screams, “Last call!” Hatton and team bolt for the bar and the Brit loses for being out of the ring longer than 20 seconds. Cheerful Hatton says, “So I lost, so what? I got the bar wench to serve me a triple before they gonged us!” Final Round: If “last call” false alarm does not work, Pacman eschews head shots and directs body attack, sending pulsating blows into Hatton’s distressed liver. After five of these, Hatton’s whole body lights up like casino slot machine in big jackpot mode. Seeing Hatton’s pigmentation turning to green, red, blue and black–along with the customary just seen a ghost white–referee quickly stops bout. Hatton’s liver is removed and sent to British Museum for further study.
