OPINION: To the casual observer, Rocky II is just a film about boxing. And the upcoming Joshua v Parker bout is just a boxing match.
But Rocky II was made in the 70s, when filmmaking was elevated to the ultimate story telling art form. And we all know the last time a fight was pure sport was a random Tuesday in 1867 when some bloke named Percy fancied trying out these new “boxing glove” things.
Boxing – like film – especially one featuring the heavy hitters, is about the spectacle. It’s about bravado, machismo, and above all those rich green dolla dolla bills, yo. Even a bout between two thoroughly likeable chaps like Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) and Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers), and British heavyweight champ Anthony Oluwafemi Olaseni Joshua, MBE (or AJ for short) and our own Mangere Mangler Joseph Parker.
Those two are so Apollo Creed v Rocky Balboa, and their meeting so like the 1976 grudge match that never should have been, it’s almost as if Sylvester Stallone wrote the match card himself.
Let’s look at the many similarities between the fictional pugalists and the real life scrappers. You’ll be stunned.
Scrappy underdogs
There’s only one reason everyone with a body that makes testosterone in large quantities loves Rocky, and that’s the fact he’s such a massive loser at everything except punching people in the head, and loving his long suffering wife Adrian (Thalia Shire).
He’s the ultimate American dream – the scrappy under dog whose guts and determination can best any of the natural talent, superior training or financial advantages in the world.
In Rocky II, Stallone plays the underdog tune like the philharmonic plays Gonna Fly Now (aka the Rocky Theme) – to rousing effect.
Rocky has a name for himself, rising above his dirt poor working class roots, and surviving a fight with the superior athlete Apollo Creed. But circumstances force him to go back to lugging lumps of meat and emptying buckets of spit for a living, instead of cashing in on his fame. Due to damage he received at the business end of Creed’s gloves, he has to retire or risk going blind if he gets bashed again.
Naturally his community is understanding and supportive, encouraging him to pursue his long held desire to study flower arranging and lead a quiet life. Just kidding – they are relentlessly cruel to the fallen hero, mocking his change of status, lack of education and diminished earning power.
Eventually not even his Balboa positivity can withstand the snide comments, and Rocky chooses possible blindness and brain damage over his fragile ego. As anyone would, right?
It’s almost exactly like the time Graham Norton said Parker ate all the pies – a pastry pasting for Parker.
Earnest religious and working class backgrounds
One of the best things about Rocky II is what a fabulous 1970s anthropology class it is.
While the grubby, tiny walk ups Rocky and Adrien live in would be a bijou luxury opportunity to live in Philly’s “edgy” downtown area now, back then they were a one way ticket to Stabsville, or maybe Muggerton, much as people who have never been to either spot imagine Mangere – where Parker grew up, other than on the way to the airport, and Watford – Joshua’s old stomping ground – are today.
Right before he heads to his fight, Rocky stops by his local church to get a blessing before pummelling someone into the canvas. He just wants to honour his community and his background before punching a guy’s lights out. Bless
One main difference – with his first winnings Rocky buys himself a 1976 Trans Am – the greatest car ever made. I don’t know what Joseph Parker or Anthony Joshua drive, but I guarantee it’s not as cool as a vintage T Top with original gold detailing. Pity.
Baby Rocky
Rocky and Adrian’s most tender moments in Rocky II come when he coos over his new baby, and she accepts he’d rather get cauliflower ears than change a nappy.
Joseph Parker is also a smushy goober about his baby. And it’s also completely adorable. He’s probably not going to name her Rocky though.
Fighting dirty out of the ring
In Rocky II both Rocky and Apollo let their male pride get in the way of their better natures – Apollo more than Rocky, naturally, but still.
Apollo runs an advert in the paper that calls Rocky a chicken for not facing him.
Rocky has a wee cry to Adrien about it.
Apollo calls Rocky names in front of the press and telling them he’s going to obliterate the Italian Stallion in front of his home crowd.
Rocky’s sneaky trainer Micky forces the southpaw to train up his right arm so he can fake Apollo out in the ring.
These tactics might have seemed dramatic in the 70s, but they’re as common as taping your knuckles these days – see Joseph Parker’s secretly refurbished power elbows.
Humble men that earn a crust punching other, less humble, men in the face
During the press conference before Rocky’s big match with Apollo, a reporter asks him to say something “derogatory” about his opponent.
“Derogatory?” mumbles the illiterate boxer, his eyes skipping sluggishly about as he struggles to imagine what that word of more than three syllables could possibly mean. “Yeah… he’s great!”
Parker and Joshua have taken a leaf out of the Rocky play book ahead of their upcoming bout, trying to out polite each other. But it’s clear that Joshua isn’t buying Parker’s “good guy with a gun show” act anymore. Will Parker keep it up all the way into the ring?
KO or points?
Rocky II ends in the only way a film called Rocky II could end – with Rocky winning against the odds. Even so, as he and Apollo – who’ve slugged it out for the full 15 rounds only to land devastating KO’s on one another at the exact same time – fall to the mat, there’s no guarantee who’s going to drag themselves up the ropes and claim that incredible tasteful and demure title belt.
You’re on the edge of your seat, right up to the moment the ref thrusts Rocky’s hand in the air and calls him the Heavyweight Cham-peeeon of the Wooooorld.
Great title fights should keep you guessing right up this the final bell – or the final face plant, which ever comes first. Here’s hoping the Joshua v Parker fight is just as thrilling as that movie ending. And that the pair of them end up just like Rocky and Apllo in Rocky III – pals for life.
But even if it’s not – and even if you can’t afford the Sky pay-per-view – don’t despair. Just watch Rocky II instead.
