Bless me, Father, it has been about a year and a half since my last Confession. Padre, since some of my Boxingconfidential.com readers accuse me of being a Manny Pacquaio hugger and many others label me a Manny Pacquiao hater, I have to decided to unburden myself.
I need to lay my soul bare, Padre, even as I forgive those heathens who write negative comments about me, my site, my family going back four generations, etc. I say, Father, verily I do forgive these heathens for they know not what they do. Imagine, them blasting me, a lad who took altar boy training for at least four days at St. Anthony’s Parish (Allston section), Boston.
I still recall my brief tenure of “ad altare Dei’ and “cookies by Nabisco” and all that Latin terminology. That was back when he had some fun, when we had a Holy Ghost and I don’t mean Kelly Pavlik. Now there is something called the Holy Spirit. Boring, I say, bring back the Latin Mass and the Holy Ghost. But I digress.
So it is that I, a practicing but far from getting it right, Roamin?, I mean Roman Catholic, do hereby confess that:
I am having trouble figuring out how Pacman can beat undefeated triple-belted lightweight whiz kid Juan Diaz unless he can knock him out?
That my approval rating in the Philippines is lower than George Bush?s in America. But that the emotionally-twisted and unpredictable Ricardo Lois is gaining ground in that department with some of his depraved scribbling and ranting?
I believe that Bob Arum is the balla, the shotcaller, when it comes to who MP fights and that, for the rest of the co-promotional ride, Oscar de la Hoya will sit quietly in the caboose and watch the old master do his magic?
I believe in the forgiveness of sins so that I hope that one day, Freddie Roach will be able to forgive Justin ?I Want My? Fortune of his considerable transgressions and trespassing on No Joke Coach Roach?s turf?
That, when I post Pacman critic Rick ?Racoon? Glaser?s untouched photo on my web site, I truly hope those who take issue with his remarks about Manny being a shot fighter who will be destroyed by his guy, Baby Bull Diaz, will not make any unkind remarks about his physical appearance. Try to look past that and into the soul of the ?Racoon.? Which reminds me that if Glaser advise Carl “Squirrel” Daniels, the headline in the Glaser’s hometown paper, The Buffalo News, could read: SQUIRREL MEETS WITH RACOON. Now you’re saying, I’m just nuts, I know…
That I believe, style wise, Manny?s toughest opponent will be Joan Guzman. If and when they do fight, I confess that I will wearing ear muffs if Guzman trainer Floyd Mayweather Sr. starts spouting more of his God-awful (no offense, Big Guy) poetry. Mayweather wouldn?t know iambic pentameter from a rhyming couplet if they hit him across his face?
That I wish Top Rank and Golden Boy had never settled so we could?ve seen and heard all that dirty laundry coming out in court?
That I believe BC Comments contributor Sky-Osk is an escapee from a mental institution, not that there is anything wrong with that?
That I believe Boxingconfidential columnist John Chavez wishes he was a Pinoy because, let?s face it, El Salvador does not produce many top boxers. I think Chavez should confess his ethnic wish openly and be done with it?
Padre, I am not looking for an easy penance here, but I am putting you on notice that I will writing your Boss in the Vatican shortly regarding my proposal to start Manny Pacquiao on the path to nomination for sainthood. You must admit Manny?s uppercut is far superior, Sister Superior or otherwise, to that of the late, great and now canonized Mother Teresa?s?
That things were a lot more interesting when my pal, Franklin Jacal, had Pacman signing contracts with promoters like they were the back of confirmed winning lottery tickets. Promotional peace is achingly dull…
That it doesn?t matter whether Pacman trains in LA, Cebu or on Devil?s Island, he is now the Numero Uno Pound for Pound fighter in the world. I said fighter, not boxer or dancer. Oops, sorry about using the ?D word,? Father. Get behind me, Satan?
That Manny should fight places other than the U.S. If the money is right, he should fight in Canada, in Australia, in Macau and maybe even England once Ricky Hatton recovers from being slapped silly by Floyd Mayweather Jr. Pacquaio is a world champion in every sense of the word and he should take a page from Muhammad Ali?s book (I don?t refer to the Koran, Father) and fight all over the globe?
That you will never see Pacquaio and unbeaten and wild-swinging WBA champ Edwin Valero fight in Macau but how about Valero handler Akihiko Honda making a big bid to bring MP into the Korakuen Big Egg Dome in Tokyo for such a fight? That?s where I saw Mike Tyson get chin-checked by Buster Douglas but, unlike Valero, Douglas had some defensive skills. Manny would simply take batting practice on the overmatched Valero. Maybe he should stick to beating up tricycle drivers even though God loves them also…
That I am working up a bumper sticker and tee-shirt that reads: Jesus Saves?But Manny Paquiao Scores On The Rebound.? Oops, I did it again, mixed up my sports. Well, let?s say Manny was in the US and he visited two fans, one a father, the other his son. Let?s say Manny, the father and the son went to the home of former NHL goalie John Davidson (Rangers). What would the headline be? PACQUAIO VISITS FATHER, SON AND GOALIE HOST?.
Father, what?s the proper salutation when I write to the Big Man at the Holy See in Rome regarding my Manny for sainthood campaign? Is it Your Majesty or Your Eminence? I know it?s not Hey, Big Playa? I know that?s not right. And should I mention that two hot dogs I wolfed down on a Friday at Fenway Park when I was age 13, back when meat on Friday was verboten?…
Father, put in a word Up There for Manny, will you? He knows the difference between a Carmelite nun and Michael Nunn. And, in terms of boxing associates, I think Manny has learned the difference between a Parisian and a Parasite. And tell your boss with the hot sauce to be on the lookout for my petition as to sainthood for Pacquaio?
They say it?s impossible to get sainthood status for someone who is alive but I will try.
OK, Father, I hear you, 7,800 Hail Marys and 15,475 Our Fathers. Otherwise, no toasted host for me Sunday morning. I got it.
Hey, Padre, if my petition goes through do you know what Pacquaio?s new ring walk music is going to be?
Bingo, Padre, you got it. ?When The Saints Go Marching In,? the Louis Armstrong version of course.
Somebody get Satchmo on standby?
(Written with all due respect to Him)
