What happened? Did you think that I abandoned the Manny Pacquaio beat? Not hardly, I just got distracted by that little show in Las Vegas, the one in which Rocky Juarez said, with a straight face, that he was “fighting in the co-main event.” Get a grip, Rocky.
In the meantime, and in-between time, here are Marley’s Top Ten Reasons Why Pacman Will Not Be Elected To Congress From South Cotobato on May 14:
1. Pacman agent/adviser Michael Koncz, a Canadian, tried to stuff ballot boxes with votes for MP but, unfortunately, he mistakenly use ballots for the National Hockey League’s Lady Byng Awards (most sportsmanslike player). “I wondered why they were covered in ice,” Koncz said.
2. Shelly Finkel, formerly with Manny, made a huge campaign donation to rival Dazzling Darlene Antonino-Custodio.
3. Smear campaign by DD’s camp spreads vicious rumor that Manny will move to hire former promoter Murad Muhammad as Worthy Keeper of the Philippines Exchequer and National Treasury.
4. Dazzling Darlene operatives have been playing loud recordings of a San Miguel Beer-fueled Pacquaio doing his best karaoke versions of irritating songs made more irritating by his howling cat voice. DD’s Dirty Tricks Squad plays the maddening music around places where children and the elderly are trying to sleep.
5. Bob Arum is in South Cotobato and giving speeches in support of Manny. The last presidential winner Arum supported in the US was John F. Kennedy. Arum’s political cold streak continues on. The man is an electoral Jonah.
6. DD’s evildoers have put posters and flyers that say “Send Manny To Sixth Grade, Not To Congress,” ignoring his acquisition of a GED and his plans to study at Harvard, Harvard Law, The London School of Economics and the Sorbonne in coming years.
7. In a recent TV debate, one journalist asked Manny who “Picasso” was and MP replied, “That’s the international matchmaker-agent Sampson Lewkowicz.” Art lovers were simply aghast.
8. Boxing Banker Richie Rich Schaefer has been a secret fundraiser for the Dazzling Darlene campaign and, boy does he have a last minute donation to make…about 25 million shekels he got from a pal named Oscar.
9. In another TV interview, a wise guy asked Manny who “Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln” were. Manny was not stumped. His reply: “Three leading receivers in the NFL last season.”
10. Dazzling Darlene’s doers of skullduggery have circulated the false rumor that it is Pacquaio who arranged for the WBC convention to take place in Manila in November. DD’s operatives are floating the idea that convention-goers will spark a crime wave, including manipulation of ratings in the mini-flyweight division. This kind of thing is always a sensitive topic in the PI.
11. BONUS REASON: The Darlene forces have put out an Internet rumor that, depending on who wins the ongoing Pacman promotional rights litigation, the country will have to change its name to RGBPI (Republic of the Golden Boy Philippines Islands) or RTRPI (Republic of the Top Rank Philippine Islands). That story sent a real chilla all the way from Manila to GenSan.
12. FINAL ROUND BOUNUS REASON: Arum convinces MP to take on DD in last-minute debate. Darlene talks about “the fate our of marvelous archipelago.” As she drones on, Manny interrupts ansd says, “Don’t think I don’t know Archie Pelago. That’s the Indonesian guy who used to spar with my brother, Bobby.” Ouch!
