Wladimir Klitschko will defend his rainbow of belts tomorrow night at Madison Square Garden, taking on Bryant Jennings?
?In the final instance civilization is always saved by a platoon of soldiers.??Oswald Spengler
Wladimir Klitschko (63-3, 53 KOs) will defend his rainbow of belts tomorrow night at Madison Square Garden, taking on Bryant Jennings (19-0, 10 KOs). Although scheduled for 12, Jennings will be lucky to make it to the fifth. ?By-By? Bryant indeed.
Tyson Fury? Deontay Wilder? Shannon Briggs? No, no, and definitely not.
Their problem? A lack of avoirdupois.
If Oswald Spengler is right, that civilization will be saved by a small body of good men and true, then why not a fat man coming to the rescue of our beleaguered heavyweight division?
In an exclusive interview with Dr. Ivo Schmuckaluvich, founder and president of the prestigious Boxing Institute of Chicago (BIC), I was gratified to learn that nine of 10 BIC members shared my hope. ?The 10th disagreed,? said Dr. Schmuckaluvich, ?which goes a long way toward explaining the lack of unanimity.?
?This member, who has since moved on to the Boxing Institute of Cincinnati, or BIC, was surprisingly unimpressed with our template,? continued Dr. Schmuckaluvich. ?I?m referring to corpulent ?One and a Half (Marked Down from Two) Ton? Tony Caliendo taking the championship from the great Joe ?The Brown Lion? Lennox, oh, sometime in the ?20s and somewhere along the Eastern Seaboard.?
?Are you referring to the fight between Tony Galento and Joe Louis?? I asked. ?Because, if so??
?I think you?re very much mistaken,? he interrupted.
BIC?s candidate to knock the Ukrainian off his perch? Billy ?Fat Boy? Sheehan, said the doctor. I pointed out that Billy Sheehan is a bassist, and assumed he meant Willie Meehan, who died many decades ago.
?You?re obviously confusing Billy with this bassoonist,? he said. ?Willie, is it??
I suggested Homero Fonseca as an alternative. ?His record isn?t terribly impressive,? I conceded, ?but he?s only 5?9? and last fought at 286. And, unlike Meehan, didn?t die in 1953.?
?You have confidence in this Horatio Fonzarelli??
?Are you familiar with philosopher Bo Dallas? catchphrase?? I asked. ?All right, more of a professional wrestler than a philosopher, but that?s pretty much six of one, half a dozen of the other. Anyway, Dallas says, ?All you have to do is Bo-lieve!? His real name, you?ll be glad to know, is Taylor Michael Rotunda. Get it? As in rotund.?
?Kiss me!?
?Kismet, Dr. Schmeckel, kismet!?
