Alternating between English, German, Russian, and Ukrainian, I recently spoke with Wladimir Klitschko at a lavish European spa and learned that while his brother, Vitali, concentrates on becoming president of Ukraine, he, Wladimir, the younger behemoth, is accelerating preparations for Jack Dempsey, Rocky Marciano, and Muhammad Ali and is honored they consider him so formidable an opponent that they?ve revised diets and training routines and rebuilt their physiques. Wladimir encouraged them to keep improving. He?s tired of dominating dreary contemporaries and yearns for the glory of crushing three legends in fights soon to be held.
?How will you deal with Dempsey?? I asked. ?He now weighs a rippling 220 pounds and, according to everyone he?s hitting, his left hook is devastating and the right almost as dangerous.?
?Respectfully, Dempsey is still too small for me,? said Wladimir. ?I?m several inches taller and 25 pounds heavier. He won?t be able to penetrate my defense. I?ll feed him jabs and drop nuclear right hands on his head.?
?That you may well do, Wladimir, but wars are seldom so neat and predictable. There?s a reasonable chance that Dempsey, who?s demonstrably quicker than you, will charge inside and rake your ribs, as well as your chin, with power punches. And we should remember that you?ve been stopped three times. Corrie Sanders and Lamon Brewster revealed your chin isn?t unusually sturdy.?
?That was a decade ago and, if I may borrow one of your adverbs, I?m demonstrably better now.?
?Your second fight is against Marciano. He was the strongest 187-pound boxer in history, and now is probably the strongest 209-pounder.?
?He should?ve dropped to cruiserweight. I?ve got a 14-inch reach advantage and will be punching down while he?s crouching and trying to approach. I expect him to go down early. I acknowledge I?ll probably have to deck him a few times. I think this fight will resemble the Foreman-Frazier matchups. One guy?s just too big. No disrespect to the Rock, who may beat everyone else, if he decides to continue.?
?Your third fight will generate the world?s first billion dollar gate?The Greatest versus the renowned Dr. Steelhammer. Ali?s biologically 23 years old, quicker than he was against Liston, and about 16 pounds heavier at 228. Remember, many believe even the lighter Ali could?ve beaten you. He?s difficult to hit, has a punishing jab and right cross, and, unlike you, has shown he can get off the deck and fight coherently. Also, at this weight he?ll be hard to put down.?
?I agree with some of your assessments. He has an iron head and great defense. I?m probably not going to stop him. I?ll instead shoot my right hand into his mouth and make him wish he was fighting a tall skinny guy like Ernie Terrell rather than a scientific brute.?
?He?s fought many top fighters and is more resourceful than you,? I said. ?I think that?s the difference.?
?I?ll wager ten million.?
?Dollars or Euros??
