Well, who would have thought we’d have a post-fight that is more entertaining (and likely to be a lot lengthier) than the actual fight itself? Victor Ortiz and Oscar De La Hoya are demanding a rematch, while Floyd Mayweather, Jr. is rolling out the infamous fishnet stocking shots.
I give Mayweather points lead on the Twitter repartee, with jokes about Victoria’s Secret and Golden Girl. But let’s go forward a few months to my imaginary press conference announcing the terms of a potential fight with Manny Pacquiao.
Bob Arum: We have agreed to do the fight with Floyd. We have agreed to blood tests, before, during and after the fight?
Manny: Wait? during?
Bob: …We have agreed that, per Floyd’s suggestion, Manny will get a swirly in a public restroom?
Manny: What’s swirly?
Bob: it’s nothing, someone holds your head in the toilet and someone else flushes. it’s just a test, a medical test, Floyd suggested.
Floyd: I want to clean up boxing.
Manny: I’m not getting a swirly.
Floyd: Then the fight’s off.
Manny: Ok, I’ll get it.
Bob: Okay, and we’ve agreed to urine samples between rounds two and three.
Floyd: ?and Joan Manuel Marquessa has to drink it.
Bob: Ok, well, we can arrange that I think. we’ll just make him think it’s his.
Manny: Why I have to do this?
Bob: I don’t know? it’s… ask Floyd.
Floyd: To clean up the sport of boxing.
