I think the usually strict British Boxing Board of Control (BBBofC) will have to lift Ricky Hatton’s boxing license.
Hatton is obviously deaf and cannot hear voices, friendly and otherwise, screaming that he must retire for health reasons.
But, before we turn even more serious, this comedy break about aspiring standup comic Hatton.
Ricky is so fat that, when he sits around house in Manchester, he sits around the house in Manchester.
The Pillsbury Doughboy told Ricky that he looks blubbery.
(See Ricky Lois on Golden Boy inking Mexican prospect Saul “Bagel Boy” Alvarez.)
Ricky is so fat that he’s got, speaking of being in the dough, more rolls than any bakery in the entire UK.
Ricky is so fat that his cell phone is in two different area codes.
Ricky is so fat that a cellulite outbreak would make him look thinner.
Ricky is so fat that is buying his jeans from Barnum & Bailey.
You get the idea.
Now back to the somber truth. Evidently, the only people in England who favor Hatton fighting again are Ricky himself and people around him who are on his payroll.
In the United States, we call these people either parrots or Yes Men. Whatever you say, Bossman. The offices of Hatton’s promotional firm are like an echo chamber. Whatever he says, the peons repeat.
Last time Ricky was in the ring, Manny Pacquiao knocked him out for so long that, when he woke up, his clothes were out of style.
Oops, I slipped back into the comedy vein.
Two of the loudest “Hatton must quit” voices across the pond are his former promoter Frank Warren and highly respected Daily Mail columnist Lord Jeff Powell.
Be advised that I like them both and consider the journo a personal friend.
Just because I like them both doesn’t necessarily make them wrong on this issue.
In my next installment, I will cut the comedy and reveal why Warren and Powell opine publicly that a Hatton return to the ring is a mission impossible.
