The following are ordered immediately to STFU, which is just internet shorthand for could you please stop talking now.
MILF: Look, we Pinoys know what this acronym means. We know it’s not some headline about some sexy, saucy cougar (MILF) who has her randy eyes focused on Manny Pacquiao. No, this warning to peacemaker is from a group which says the Abu Sayyaf revolutionary group in the Philippines might actually kidnap the fighter if he gets involved in the continuing violence between these parties. I can think of some MILFs I certainly would not mind being kidnapped by but the Moro Islamic Liberation Front is nothing to play with. Ditto for Abu Sayaaf. Meanwhile, I see that Manny has a new TV situation comedy called “Show Me The Manny” or something silly like that. Can’t wait for the episode where Manny goes to a Mayweather backyard barbecue. MP will love that Coach Roach kebab they grill.
DAN GOOSSEN: Danny Boy, who is just a hired hand who dances when Al Haymon jerks his strings, is making noises about Paul Williams bypassing a Kelly Pavlik bout because it has to be rescheduled from Oct. 3 to November or December. Goossen should stop the nonsense and just say that when HBO says jump, he will reply, “How high, my beloved paymasters?” And you thought Big Bird was kneeling in prayer.
AP Photo
PAULIE MALIGNAGGI: Popgun Paulie is reporting a robbery in progress before it happens, whining about officials for his Saturday HBO bout against another loser of two of his last three bouts, Baby Bullspitter Juan Diaz. Meanwhile, Lou DiBella, in mourning for the Mets lost season, maintains radio silence. Uncle Lou is a pragmatist who just wants to go to Texas, get the paycheck and keep it moving. If the terms and conditions are so onerous, Yo Paulie, why did you sign the bout agreement? (I remain a Malignaggi fan on a personal basis but the whining is grating.)
CRITICS OF MARIO LOPEZ: He wasn’t hired as a Bob Arum shill because he knows a left hook from a fish hook. He was hired because he’s a telegenic Latino personality who can be amusing. I mean, Brian Viloria is not exactly a cum laude graduate of the Columbia School of Broadcasting. Which reminds me, you White Gorilla fans (all five of you) want to fork over $24.95 for the Hector Camacho Jr.-Pito Cardona PPV card from Cleveland as I will be part of the broadcast team. You may know my trademark fight telecast phrase, “Let’s get ready to mumble!” Can’t wait to get back to that city’s Theatrical Lounge where a sign in the doorway gives this warning: IF YOU’RE NOT INDICTED, YOU’RE NOT INVITED.” Btw, you want to see shilling, watch me as I will be shilling on the way to the airport so as to be properly warmed up for the telecast. This could be my last shot for Hollywood, folks. Maybe I can even attract a MILF or two with my animal magnetism. And I don’t mean the kind with the automatic weapons. Concealed weapons now, that’s a different story.
