There?s a thin line between reality and fantasy in boxing. I don?t know if it?s a case of life imitating art but, the other night I had the craziest dream?
I had just discovered through a wicked good You Tube video that Brooklyn?s ?Magic Man? Paulie Malignaggi, as solid a junior welterweight contender as you can find, is not really the ?Magic Man.?
All this time, as Yo Paulie has been beating toughies such as Lovemore N?dou, Edner Cherry and Herman Ngoudjo and lasting 12 full rounds with Miguel Cotto and 11 with Ricky Hatton, it turns out his real identity is Little Mac.
Not only that, Malignaggi, who has had an assortment of people pretending to be his trainer, is really trained as one of my favorite TV creeps, the actor Isiah Whitlock Jr. who was crooked State Senator Clay Davis on HBO?s ?The Wire.?
Ifv you didn’t immediately recognize the venal senator, then you don’t know spit from Shinola about Baltimore, son.
Only in boxing he goes by the name of Doc Louis and he knows a lot of about yo yos.
I?m no big video game guy. I remember, back in law school, a coin-operated game in the basement at Fordham, a crude boxing thingamajig in which a voice constantly chanted, ?Body blow! Body blow!?
But, despite my ignorance, I decided to have some fun and flesh out the other ?Punch-Out? characters.
MR DREAM: None other than Manny Pacquiao. When Mike Tyson?s contract ran out, the game creators replaced the fearsome Tyson with completely fictitious Mr. Dream. It?s not the dream of all fighters anywhere near 140 pounds to fight Pacman and garner a big jackpot so let?s make the Pinoy Idol the champ here also.
GLASS JOE: Sorry, old chap, but Hatton has taken on this mantle after his kamikaze effort against Megamanny. Those shots Manny landed could?ve taken down a Brahma bull but I did hear glass tinkling as Hatton made his three trips to the floor.
DRAGON CHAN: In the game, he?s from Hong Kong but let?s switch his home to the archipelago (Archie Pelago, isn?t he a pug from South Philly?) of Indonesia. He comes slugging out of the slums of Jakarta. Yes, Chris John that?s you.
SUPER MACHO MAN: I was leaning towards making him Piston Honda since he used to be promoted by real life Japan boxing boss Mr. Honda or Honda-san to you gaijin. But I think Edwin Valero, who is a bigger fan of Hugo Chavez than of Julio Cesar Chavez, has to be this character with every bout resulting in a KO victory. Programmers could drop in an Asian answer to Glass Joe, call him Trikey Mikey or something so Valero will be able to relate to his easy foes.
DISCO KID: New character, said to be flamboyant. Macho Camacho is too old but what if Prince Naseem Hamed came back? Because I see no alternative, I?m making Mayweather the Disco Kid. He does love to dance in the ring and out.
BEAR HUGGER: I will leave this one to John Chavez who takes personal offense when any fighter on TV clinches too often. Chavez hates Huggybear types.
BALD BULL: Use your imagination and give him a Marine haircut and a foreboding mustache. Voila, it?s a different look for Sugar Shane Mosley who, to me, is Pacman?s toughest and worst choice for an opponent this side of Mayweather.
I know, I know, I left out King Hippo. I suppose it could be Antonio Margocheato when he gets back from suspension.
I will let you guys figure out who that is and don?t say it?s me because I am still slimming down
I have one other question, gamers. Where?s the sleazy promoter character?
Remember, buoys and gulls, it?s only a game.
Bartender, can I get a double shot of Gigamac Juice?
Michael is a former sports columnist at the New York Post. He was a criminal defense attorney and worked for sports legends Howard Cosell and Don King. Marley also operates BoxingConfidential.com. Email him your thoughts. He makes it a practice to always recommend Pacland and Philboxing.
