Rehab is for quitters!
Ricky Hatton?s legion of fans, who follow their Mancunian idol across the globe, know that and they?re hoping their ring idol ignores a sobering warning from new trainer Floyd Mayweather Sr.
?Pretty Daddy,? the man who used to put the Jheri in Jheri-Curl, has told a UK tabloid that his new charge?s aging body may face a devastating final bill for the binge drinking and eating he?s done for many years.
?It will catch up with anyone,? Mayweather has warned. ?It can cause a good boxer to lose to a nobody.?
But Boxingconfidential has located an alcohol expert who issues a different alarm. This gent said that the only way Hatton may lose to powder puff puncher Paulie Malignaggi in their Nov. 22 HBO Las Vegas fight is if he shuts down his booze intake.
?Can you imagine the shock to Ricky?s system if he abandons the sauce?? I.M. Bibing told me. ?There?s Only One Ricky Hatton, to be sure, but it would cause a severe jolt to Ricky?s whole body?to his kidneys, to the liver and to the entire internal system?if he suddenly drops the copious intake of booze in favor of, I don?t know, oolong tea or organic goat?s milk.?
In case you?re wondering what makes Mr. Bibing such an expert, be advised he is the former head of the United Kingdom Salonkeeper?s League. The man has been hailed as England?s Top Vodka Promoter and is a world-recognized authority on the positive effects massive amounts of booze can have on internal organs.
“It is vital, and any internal medicine expert worth his salt and hypertension, can tell you so that a prizefighter must not poison his bloodstream with fluids the body is not used to taking in,” Bibing said. “I went to Bartender’s School, not to medical school, but I learned through doing.”
Bibing, who started as a tavern proprietor at the tender age of 19 when he first owned the Cocky Locky in Salisbury, said he thinks that any preflight booze ban could discombobulate Hatton. Bibing went on to build a chain of taverns and bars which he sold to Guinness for a huge price. He now works as a paid consultant to bar operators and to professional athletes who like to take a drink now and then.
?This may be a plot from the Malignaggi people,? Bibing said. ?There may be some treacherous Sicilians working on Paulie?s behalf. They know the Brooklyn lad stands no chance if Ricky?s body remains on course with his normal alchol intake. They are looking to make his bodily organs go into sudden shock and shutdown.?
As for Mayweather?s preaching of absitence, Bibing labels it poppycock.
?Look at the mug on Floyd Sr.,? Bibing said. ?Now tell me he?s never had a taste of the devil?s libations. I’d venture that his next adult beverage will not be a virgin pina colada. He looks like Jack Daniels, Old Grandad, I.W. Harper are all old friends of his. If he does not drink, maybe he should start.?
Bibing said Hatton could forego preflight sex but that switching from liquor to lemonade might is a huge mistake.
?I want to get in front of this misery train,? Bibing said. ?I?ve now issued a worldwide alert. I don?t want Ricky or Papa Ray blaming me if he loses to teetotaler Malignaggi. Paulie probably drinks those horrible healthy concoctions. No wonder his coiffure is so unseemly and unattractive!?
Unless Hatton goes off the sauce, Bibing sees him beating Maliganggi easily.
?Ricky is a great lad, a great boxer. When he is all done, they can send his trunks, glove and his robe over to the Hall Of Fame. But they will need to send his liver to medical experts for further study.
?Ricky Hatton is an example to our youth. He proves one can be a real champion in the ring and down at the local. I raise a toast to him and to victory over the scrawny, Italian American milk drinker. Paulie looks the type to walk into a Starbuck’s for a creamy latte.
“After he has dribbled Malignaggi across the canvas, Our Ricky will really have a booze binge. Once he’s sober again, he can make plans to destroy that bum from the Philippines, that Half A Man Pacquiao. Hatton will tear him up as well.”
Sounds crazy, I know folks. But this is a recognized expert who knows the difference between a boozer and a loser.
