1. MENTAL GIANT. -He performs at the highest level in the ring when outside the ring, in his own camp, all is chaos. This one is pressuring him to fire that one, Joe is telling him Moe and Jack are stealing from him and Freddie “De Facto Manager” Roach wants to spray everybody with D-Con which, as we all know from old and awful Muhammad Ali commercials, “kills roaches dead.” Roach is the one who portrayed former promoter Murad Muhammad as verifiable vermin, likely a horse thief and worse. And, make sure the allegations got HBO airtime, Roach whispered the information (presumably at some saw mill in LA) to eager listener Larry Merchant. So, even while lawsuits flying, affidavits are being sent back and forth, and plaintiffs and defendants are screaming “see you in court” Pacman mows down his opponent. This is a form of mental strength that Ali always had and that young Mike Tyson had until he stumbled in Tokyo.
2. BOX OFFICE KING. Old Filipino expression from another era, “Tell it to the Marines.” Tell this to anyone you want. Boxing is staggering right now at the live gate but Pacman fills up buildings in Las Vegas and his homeland. Pretty Boy Floyd can’t make that boast. PBF went to Portland, Ore., and stunk out the Rose Garden, selling maybe 3,000 tickets. It didn’t matter much since Nike underwrote the show. But did you know the real count for paid customers at the ballpark in Phoenix for Liakhovich-Briggs was 2,500? That the number of paid ducats in San Antonio for Holyfield-Oquendo was under 4,000? And that besieged Lou DiBella is making crying, whimpering noises the likes of which we have never even heard from whinemaker J,. Russell Peltz? Lou-Lou is singing the blues in Little Rock where Jermain Taylor, alleged hometown hero, has not peddled 5,000 seats for his recital with Kassim Ouma on HBO tonight Things are so bad that Santa Lou dropped prices for seniors and veterans to a new $25 price. If you’re both, DiBella will give you $10, one hot dog and a beer to park your carcass in a seat to make a nicer crowd scene on HBO. So, when it comes to putting asses in the arena seats, I hereby declare Pacman the undisputed champion of the boxing box office.
3. MAKING GENERAL MACARTHUR PROUD. Manny can truthfully say that he is the equal of ring legend Julio Cesar Chavez. Not in the ring, where Manny’s exciting style does not compare to the artistry of El Grand Campeon. But it was said of Chavez that wherever he fought, he brought Mexico with him. Same goes for Manny when he performs in Las Vegas. So I say let’s give a San Miguel toast to Manny for aiding the Southern Nevada economy. PBF can’t even bring all of Grand Rapids, Michigan, to Vegas. Even Stephen A. Smith can see that.
4. PACMAN COULD BE ‘SERTA-FIED.” Now it can be revealed: Pacquaio has been “floored” more than any other current world champion. I can’t say that I know the sleeping habits of all current champs but it is a safe bet that 99.9 percent of them normally sleep in a regulation bed. Four current and former associates (meaning they have or did have Manny as a meal ticket) have informed me that Pacman usually sleeps on the floor wherever he stays. Is this a Filipino tradition or just an old Pacman family custom? I am not sure because I dropped out of Tagalog language class in Bacolod after three days but…I do see some real commercial prospects here. If I was Manny’s agent, ands maybe I should be, I would make him the TV spokesman for 1-800-Mattres (leave the last “s” for snooze or savings or sex or something). I would get my main man Pacman a deal with Sominex (unless Winky Wright, whose style puts millions into deep sleep gets to them first). And I would also get him a Viagara deal because, because, well let’s just say his kamikaze (is that word offensive in RPI?) ring style causes a certain excitement. Maybe I get Viagara and Cialis in a bidding war…hmm.
5. ROLL OUT THE BARRO. My personal all-time favorite Filpino fighter was journeyman Rudy Barro. Rudy knew only one direction in the ring, forward. He led with his face, totally eschewing defense, and he often finished fights looking as though someone had dropped an anvil on his face. Barro came out of “Fat City,” meaning Stockton, Calif., where all a promoter had to do to insure a fabulous show was put six Mexicans in the red corner and six Filipinos in the blue corner. Rudy finished up at 26-37-2, losing to top guys such as Irish Leroy Haley (of course Leroy is African-American), Pablo Baez and Bruce Curry. But Barro, who I hereby now declare as Pacman’s spiritual cousin, had one great shining moment in boxing. The year was 1974 and a rugged white kid, a slickster from Memphis named Jimmy Heair was rolling along with a 33-0 record. They went 10 in the Olympic Auditorium and Barro pounded out a decision victory.
Chopped liver, you say? Heair got right back on the horse and had a 66-1 pro record when some Panamanian fellow named R. Duran beat him. Another Stockton boy and another courageous warrior was Alvaro “Indian Yaqui” Lopez. Yaqui used to tell me, “I can fight a little but Rudy Barro is unreal.”
High praise, considering that Yaqui four times came up a tad short in light heavyweight title bouts against Victor Galindez (twice. both L15), Michael Saad Muhammad and John Conteh. I mean, Yaqui and Saad produced 1980’s Ring magazine “Fight Of The Year,” a 14-round piece of savagery at the old Playboy Club in Great Gorge, NJ. Let’s send a refreshing glass of halo-halo over to Mr. Barro’s table. (Tasty bit of trivia, Heair retired with a 96-32-1, 62 KOs pro resume.)
6. PALMER METHOD? NO, PACMAN’S WMDs. They say that Pacman did not make it past the fifth grade. I had trouble with that one also as many of you know. But who was the man or woman who taught Pacman penmanship? This stimulating fighter is just as dangerous with a pen as with a body shot. if you have a piece of paper, he is glad to give you an autograph. If you have a boxing contract, well he will sign that, no questions asked, also. He will sign your contract in a steakhouse, a hotel lobby, at the movies, wherever. For Pacman’s financial health, I hereby order Freddie Roach to frisk his fighter whenever they are around any promoter, manager or adviser. We must keep WMDs, meaning any writing instrument, away from Pacman, We’re only doing this for your own good, son.
7. DRIVE,HE SAID. Pacman can make a boast that the king of boxing boasters never could. Muhammad Ali’s brother, Rudolph Valentino Clay who became Rahman Ali, could not fight his way out of a paper bag. Ali made Rahman retire from the ring for health reasons and then, as Ali once noted, paid his little brother “”$50,000 a year and that ain’t bad just for driving and jiving.”
Bobby Pacquaio can fight his way out of a paper bag, maybe even a plastic bag, but why does he continue getting whacked around? “The Sniper” has been KO’d five times and only won 27 of his 42 pro bouts. I got it, Manny can hire him to be the security guy who keeps the pens and pencils away from Manny.
8. BRANCH OFFICE FOR GENERAL SANTOS CITY. Up there in frosty Canastota, NY, that pugilistic think tank where Ed “Give Me The Trophy” Brophy and his little elves are always working, there is a secret memo circulating on a need to know basis, hush. One of Brophy’s elves has proposed that the International Boxing Hall Of Fame open up a branch in General Santos City, birthplace of you know who.
9.. PAGING MICKEY THE DUNCE. Does anyone think that fans care whether Bob Arum, Oscar de la Hoya or Mickey The Dunce promotes Pacman the rest of his career? Pacman is a “made man” now at the top of his game and he could be dealing directly with the TV suits if he was not obligated to promoters and managers. Top Rank will do a good job for Pacman and so would Golden Boy. A blindfolded chicken could make his matches and bring in the millions now. Put Pacman in with Barrera. Put him in there with Guzman. Put him in there with Marquez. How hard is it to make those fights? Not hard at all. A Rhesus monkey could make those red hot bouts happen. If anyone beats Pacman, you make the instant rematch.
10. MERCHANT OF VENOM. Finally, I like that fact that Pacman puts a warm glow on Larry Merchant’s craggy face. I like the fact that, in the autumn of his years, Larry is composing love peans to this boxing action figure. Pacman makes Sir Lawrence happy and that should make you happy because Merchant was sliding into a very Andy Rooneylike crankiness. He was getting churlish and belligerent, perhaps caused by steady diet of Pretty Boy Pettiness. But Manny has put the lights back on Merchantville and let’s all just enjoy the sweetness and light.
